Fun_People Archive
9 Sep
Words from the Washington Post

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat,  9 Sep 100 11:48:05 -0700
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Subject: Words from the Washington Post

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The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they
were asked to supply alternative meanings for various words.
The following were some of the winning entries:

  Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

  Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

  Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

  Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

  Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

  Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
  answer the door in your nightie.

  Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

  Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

  Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

  Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

  Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
  proctologist immediately before he examines you.

  Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
  expressions.

  Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

  Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up
  on the roof and gets stuck there.

   ***************************

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

  Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader
  who doesn't get it.

  Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

  Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
obtaining sex.

  Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.

  Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
  bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a
  serious bummer.

  Glibido: All talk and no action.

  Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
  come at you rapidly.

  Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts
  until you realize it was your money to start with.

  And finally . . .

  Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

© 2000 Peter Langston