Fun_People Archive
8 Sep
Important Military Considerations

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri,  8 Sep 100 13:42:12 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: Important Military Considerations

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Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when
his telephone rang.
    "Hallo!  Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said.  "This is Paddy
down in County Cavan, Ireland.  I am ringing to inform you that we are
officially declaring war on you!"
    "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell
me, how big is your army?"
    "At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation,
"there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the
entire dominoes team from the pub -- that makes 8!"
    Saddam sighed.  "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
    "Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
    Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back.  "Right Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on!  We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
    "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
    "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor
from the farm."
    Once more Saddam sighed.  "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16
thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has
increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."
    "Really?!" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"
    Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day.  "Right Mr. Hussein, the
war is still on!  We have managed to get ourselves airborne!  We've modified
Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team
has joined us as well!"
    Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed.  "I must tell you Paddy
that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites,
and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
    "Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
    Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day.  "Right Mr. Hussein, I
am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
    "I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
    "Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can
feed 2 million prisoners."

© 2000 Peter Langston