Fun_People Archive
14 May
If Jesus Was a Folk Singer

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 14 May 100 23:41:42 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: If Jesus Was a Folk Singer

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Forwarded-by: Kevin Johnsrude <kevinj@roguewave.com>
Forwarded-by: Tom Neff [mailto:tneff@PANIX.COM]

Steve Key wrote:
> That said, what WOULD Jesus do?  Assuming of course He was a contemporary
> folk singer trying to play the circuit.  Would He want to be
> represented by an agency such as Flem-Tam? Or would He be better off
> booking Himself?

Jesus answered him,
  The acoustic Kingdom is like the wise and foolish virgins.
  The wise virgin went out to meet her bridegroom, and took oil in a jar
with her lamp.
  The foolish virgin hitched a ride on the Austin Alt.Country Superstars
tour bus.
  It cost her three goats and a linen cloak just to pay for the tattoo
removal afterward.

  Again, the Kingdom is like the man who left on a ten-city road tour and
entrusted money to his servants.
  To one servant he gave five talents, to another two talents, and to his
youngest servant he gave none.
  The servant with five talents went to the market and made five more on an
insider dot-com IPO deal.
  The servant with two talents buried them in the backyard, and so made no
profit.
  The servant with no talents whatsoever became a downtown "urban anti-folk"
impresario, and plays his own club every night, even though he still has No
Talents.

Now a certain man from Bethlehem [Qumran scroll VII: "Allentown"] said,
"Lord, if I sign with a big-time agency, it will be said that I have sold
my birthright for a mess of airplay, and I will be cast out by the priests
of the folk temple." Jesus answered him, "Let him without spins cast the
first stone."

That night, the Tempter appeared (in the guise of Eddie Kendricks) and said,
  "If you are indeed the son of God,
  Why not turn this guitar into solid gold,
  And wring tunes therefrom that will melt the hearts of the people and ensure
  That you are a folk superstar before all others?"
Jesus answered him,
  "Not another one!  Look mate, you want Richard Thompson, he's in room 816.
  I'm trying to get some sleep here."

© 2000 Peter Langston