Fun_People Archive
12 May
The Hard Truth about Attachments

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 12 May 100 13:13:37 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: The Hard Truth about Attachments

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[Email virus humor from Irish traditional musicians?  -psl]

Forwarded-by: Cal Herrmann <calani@netcom.com>
Forwarded-by: Bill Black <Zouki@AOL.COM>

ATTACHMENTS
=============

If I want to stick an attachment to my e-mail and send it all over the
place, I should have the absolute unquestioned right to do that no matter
how many people don't want it or get their hard drives destroyed or think
that I'm a jerk or get all whiny about the whole thing. They should all
grow up and start to realize that I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE
UNIVERSE.
- Hillary R.C., Washington DC

MIME format? Are those goddam guys with the striped shirts and the eye
makeup screwing up the Internet again? And right in the middle of the hockey
and basketball playoffs? If I lose ESPN.com I'll kill somebody, honest to
god I will.
- Brad C., Shreveport LA

I've had several but none of them seemed to work out. In that sense, yes,
they are a problem for me, but my therapist says that I'm making progress.
And the crystals seem to be helping too. Now I'm almost ready to try washing
my hair once in a while.
- Clarissa F., Lompoc CA

Of COURSE all viruses and formatting problems are generated right here in
little old Redmond, Washington. First we completely foul up every PC on
the planet, then trash the internet, and then...we introduce the software
to cure everything - at $549.99 a package!  Hey sheep - where do you want
to go today? Just let us know and we'll lead you right there!
Hahahahahahahah!
- Bill G., Lake Washington WA

Once when I was very little I found this thing hanging off my elbow.  I
tried to ignore it but it grew and grew and eventually the other kids
started to call me "Tentacle". That really hurt so I went to have it removed
but the doctor didn't have enough dry ice so he had to leave me in the
office to go down to 7-11 to see if he could borrow some but right when he
was there the store was held up and he was shot, not seriously, but he had
to spend three weeks in the hospital and I guess he forgot I was still in
his office with this thing growing from my elbow. I got pretty hungry so
I ate a few of his office plants and my attachment fell off on its own. So
that's why any discussion about attachments tends to make me nervous and
shouldn't be on IRTRAD and the same with piano accordions.
- Ernie M., Keokuk IA

Once upon a time Miko Russell and Junior Crehan were sitting in a pub in
Ennistymon when the following conversation ensued:
MR: So what way are the cabbages this year, Junior?
JC: Not so bad, not so bad at all, Miko...not as big as last year's, but
they'll do.
MR: I hear poor old Jerry down Inagh way there has had some problems with
his hard drive. A bad partition somewhere, they say...he'll probably have
to go into Ennis to get it reformatted, God be kind to him.
JC: A terrible thing when that happens to a man.
MR: And they say he has problems with his attachments too....and him with
twelve children, the poor old attachments might all have worn out on him.
JC: Sure he might have to go all the way to Dublin to get the likes of THAT
taken care of properly. You wouldn't want to leave your attachments in the
hands of any of the cattle doctors around here...
MR: God help the poor man...(drinks)...now tell me a little more about this
new tune of yours, the one about the otter...
- Tom G., Kissimmee FL

You want an attachment? I'll give you an attachment!
- Gino D., Brooklyn NY

Hey Gino - attach this!
- Vinnie C., Bronx NY

© 2000 Peter Langston