Fun_People Archive
19 Apr
E-news Flash

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 19 Apr 100 11:40:35 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: E-news Flash

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Forwarded-by: Nev Dull <nev@bostic.com>
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Forwarded-by: "Stan Lepeak" <slepeak@hotmail.com>

In an unprecedented move the letter 'E' forced the global economy to come
to a complete standstill today by refusing to be associated with other
letters of the alphabet.

Citing overuse and potential burn out, E's all over the world have dug
their heels in and refused to participate further in what they see as the
exploitation of vowels. "Vowels in general are used 3-4 times more often
than consonants." said one E. "We are tired of continually propping up the
other vowels which only make up less than 20% of the overall alphabet. In
addition, we are increasingly being forced to associate with the simple
dash (-) which restricts the ability to interact with other, more
interesting letters."

Responding to the claim one dash simply cited "artistic differences" and
refused to comment further. Industry analysts note that E's are often seen
both with and without the dash present but were reluctant to draw further
conclusions.

The @ character has also refused to participate in the dispute stating "We
have nothing to complain about. For years we were forced to be associated
simply with sales figures and did a good job of it. Now we have the
opportunity to lift our profile and really contribute something back into
the alphabet. At least E's are formally recognised as an accredited letter
while we continue to struggle with our inclusion into the alphabet."

"I find it ironic," said the @ "... that the other letters are happy to be
associated with us yet we continue to be segregated.  For E's to complain
about their current status just goes to show how out of touch they are with
the more common characters."  The Period (.) backs up this claim by adding
"We were always on the tail end of everything and would always be the last
to know.  Now we have the opportunity to be used in a variety of places
although it's still very small at this stage. We are continuing to push
our cause but I fear that the dominance of the E will force us back to the
end of every sentence."

An emergency session of Sesame Street will be held to try and bring a speedy
resolution to the ongoing dispute.

© 2000 Peter Langston