Fun_People Archive
20 Nov
Church Bulletin Bloopers

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 20 Nov 96 18:16:36 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Church Bulletin Bloopers

Forwarded-by: "Helen Cunningham" <hc@apple.com>
Forwarded-by: "Jason Jones" <jasonj@hpcuhe.cup.hp.com>

Actual messages taken from Church Newsletters
====================

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who
are not afflicted with any church.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.  All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Evening massage - 6 pm.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm.  Please
use the back door.

ANNOINTING OF THE SICK . . . If you are going to be hospitalized for an
operation, contact the pastor.  Special prayer also for those who are
seriously sick by request.

Usher will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical
accomplishment.

The sermon this morning:  WOMEN IN THE CHURCH  The closing song:  RISE UP,
O MEN OF GOD

The sermon this morning:  GOSSIP . . . THE SPEAKING OF EVIL  The closing
song:  I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY

The sermon this morning:  CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 . . . EUTHANASIA  The
closing song:  TAKE MY LIFE

The sermon this morning:  PREDESTINATION . . . WHAT ABOUT HELL?  The
closing song:  I'LL GO WHERE YOU WANT ME TO GO

© 1996 Peter Langston