Fun_People Archive
20 Dec
If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: TNG

Date: Wed, 20 Dec 95 16:13:49 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: TNG

[Ah!  Relief from Christmas carols...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: "T. J. Morrison" <taurus@u.washington.edu>
Forwarded-by: ward.moore@autodesk.com

     Picard:    Sigma Indri, that's the star,
     So, Data, please, how far? How far?

     Data:      Our ship can get there very fast
     But still the trip will last and last We'll have two days til we
     arrive
     But can the Indrans there survive?

     Picard:    LaForge, please give us factor nine.

     LaForge:   But, sir, the engines are offline!

     Picard:    Offline! But why? I want to go!
     Please make it so, please make it so!

     Riker:     But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
     We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't, The danger here is far too great!

     Picard:    But surely we must not be late!

     Troi:      I'm sensing anger and great ire.

     Computer:  Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

     Picard:    The ship's on fire? How could this be?
     Who lit the fire?

     Riker:     Not me.

     Worf:      Not me.

     Picard:    Computer, how long til we die?

     Computer:  Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

     Data:      May I suggest a course to take?
     We could, I think, quite safely make Extinguishers from tractor beams
     And stop the fire, or so it seems...

     Geordi:    Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
     Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

     Picard:    Mr. Data, thank you much.
     You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

     Troi:      We still must save the Indran planet --

     Data:      Which (by the way) is made of granite...

     Picard:    Enough, you android. Please desist.
     We understand -- we get your gist.
     But can we get our ship to go?
     Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

     Geordi:    There's sabotage among the wires
     And that's what started all the fires.

     Riker:     We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
     We need to go! We need to go!

     Troi:      We must seek out the traitor spy
     And lock him up and ask him why?

     Worf:      Ask him why? How sentimental.
     I say give him problems dental.

     Troi:      Are any Romulan ships around?
     Have scanners said that they've been found? Or is it Borg or some new
     threat
     We haven't even heard of yet?
     I sense no malice in this crew.
     Now what are we supposed to do?

     Crusher:   Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
     They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!" I can't just sit and let
     them die!
     A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

     Picard:    Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

     Crusher:   They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

     *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
     HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

     Worf:      The saboteur is in the brig.
     He's very strong and very big.
     I had my phaser set on stun --
     A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
     He would not budge, he would not fall, He would not stun, no, not at
     all!
     He changed into a stranger form
     All soft and purple, round and warm.

     Picard:    Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
     Did you see this creature morph?

     Worf:      I did and then I beat him fairly.
     Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

     Riker:     My commendations, Klingon friend!
     Our troubles now are at an end!

     Crusher:   Now let's get our ship to fly
     And orbit yonder Indran sky!

     Picard:    LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

     Geordi:    Yes, sir, we can.

     Picard:    Then make it so!

© 1995 Peter Langston