Fun_People Archive
31 Oct
New Calif. Law

Date: Tue, 31 Oct 95 18:04:27 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: New Calif. Law 

Forwarded-by: norton@halcyon.com

Sacramento, CA, Oct 3, 1995 (Disassociated Press) -- California today joined
6 other states in passing a "wealthy defendant evidence act" in the wake of
this morning's verdict in the Simpson(TM) trial.

The new law requires prosecutors to evaluate the wealth of very wealthy
defendants, plus any potential income they might gain from book and movie
deals, and compare it to the weight of evidence against the defendant.  If
the defendant is really rich, the case must be very solid before the
prosecution will seek an indictment.

"We just wasted millions prosecuting Simpson(TM), and cost the country
untold amounts of lost productivity," according to attorney general Dan
Lungren.  "Let's face it, the police always make little mistakes and have
their foibles -- they're human.  A rich defendant can always afford the
lawyers to exploit these mistakes and get off, so it just wastes valuable
taxpayer money to prosecute them." he explained.

"For example, should Microsoft(R) Chairman Bill Gates (America's wealthiest
man) commit a murder in California, we would want a videotape shot by the
Pope of him slicing his victim's throat and a full confession.  Notorization
by the President or doing the murder in front of the jury would also help.
For policemen beating a motorist, we don't need the Pope as cameraman, but
the video must be in focus.   Poor black residents of Los Angeles, however,
would be prosecuted if Mark Fuhrman doesn't like them -- it's a sliding  
scale."

State legislators estimated the bill would save millions, in spite of
protests by the Court TV cable network and Time-Warner/Turner/CNN.  An
alternate proposal, to simply bill the wealthy defendants their expected
legal expenses in exchange for the dropping of charges was dropped as
potentially unconstitutional.

© 1995 Peter Langston