Fun_People Archive
17 Oct
Watch your language - the sequel

Date: Tue, 17 Oct 95 15:15:39 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Watch your language - the sequel

[An answer to a bit sent me by Dave Yost <DYost@taurus.apple.com>.  -psl]

FOR SURREPTITIOUS DISTRIBUTION ONLY

As a result of the new clean language policies instituted last month
(see the memo "Watch Your Language") some employees who have been
accustomed to using foul language in the course of normal conversation
have been encountering difficulty determining the meaning behind
comments and suggestions made by fellow workers and even supervisors.
To help avoid misunderstandings and assure clear communications, this
confidential phrase book has been prepared for your use.


New Phrase				 Old Meaning
================			 =============
   

I love a challenge ..................... This job sucks

You want me to take care of this? ...... Who the hell died and made you boss?

Left to pursue other interests ......... Got his ass fired

I don't think you understand ........... Shove it up your ass

So you'd like my help with it? ......... Kiss my ass

He's not familiar with the problem ..... He's got his head up his ass

I see .................................. Blow me

Do you see? ............................ Blow yourself

Really? ................................ You've got to be shitting me

I don't think this will be a problem ... I really don't give a shit

I'm afraid you must be mistaken ........ You're so full of shit

You don't say? ......................... Eat shit!

Excuse me? ............................. Eat shit and die

Excuse me, sir? ........................ Eat shit and die, motherfucker!

I'm not certain that's possible ........ No fucking way!

Perhaps you should check with... ....... Tell someone who gives a fuck

Of course, I'm concerned ............... Ask me if I give a fuck

I wasn't involved in that project ...... It's not my fucking problem

Interesting behavior ................... What the fuck?

I'm not sure I can implement this ...... Fuck it.  It won't work

Maybe I can work late .................. When the fuck am I going to do this?

Are you sure it's the problem? ......... Who the fuck cares?

They weren't happy with it? ............ What the fuck do they want from life?

I'm a bit overloaded at the moment ..... Fuck it.  I'm on salary

Yes, we should discuss this ............ Another fucking meeting?

Huh? ................................... Shut the fuck up!

How nice... how very, very nice ........ FUCK YOU!!!!

© 1995 Peter Langston