Fun_People Archive
16 Oct
Everything I need to know I learned in, ..., er, ...

Date: Mon, 16 Oct 95 14:45:54 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Everything I need to know I learned in, ..., er, ...

Forwarded-by: lanih@info.SIMS.Berkeley.EDU (Lani Herrmann)
Forwarded-by: jmichael@sas.upenn.edu
Forwarded-by: Caroline Whitbeck, Ph.D. <whitbeck@mit.edu>
Forwarded-by: Emily Socolov

Here are some interesting interpretations of nature from test papers and
essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school,
and college students around the world.

"When you breath, you inspire.  When you do not breath, you expire."

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.  Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of
the bull."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity.  The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which
there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have ben taken off.  The purpose of the skeleton is something to
hitch meat to."

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
molars, and eight cuspidors."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon.  All water tends towards
the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"A fossil is an extinct animal.  The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart
stops."

"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artifical perspiration."

"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the
hand instead.  Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical
doctor."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days.  If he has not recovered,
then kill it."

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your
throat."

"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

© 1995 Peter Langston