Fun_People Archive
26 Aug
More Some Useful Jargon

Date: Sat, 26 Aug 95 16:01:19 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: More Some Useful Jargon

[This subject line refers to the Fun_People posting of 20 April 1995 whose  
subject was: "Some Useful Jargon"  -psl]

Forwarded-by: George Osner <gosner@ainet.com>
From: Dan Galvin <galvin@tam2000.tamu.edu>

            High Tech Computer Sales Jargon

NEW -   Different color from previous design
ALL NEW -   Parts not interchangable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE -   Imported product
UNMATCHED -   Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY -   Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION -   No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN -   The advertising agency doesn't understand it
IT'S HERE AT LAST! -   Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED -   Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY -   Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY -   Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT -   We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY -   It's different from our competitiors
BREAKTHROUGH -   We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC -   No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE -   A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE -   Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED -   Some previous faults corrected, we hope...
HAND-CRAFTED -   Assembly machines operated without gloves on
PERFORMANCE PROVEN -   Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS -   Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE -   Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY -   Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY -   We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE -   When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION -   Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS -   We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY -   You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE -   Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES -   We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED -   Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED -   Does things we can't explain
LATEST AREOSPACE TECHNOLOGY -   One of our techs was once laid off by Boeing

© 1995 Peter Langston