Fun_People Archive
22 Aug
The e-mail/penis comparison

Date: Tue, 22 Aug 95 13:36:39 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: The e-mail/penis comparison

[In case you don't remember this (or the internet/penis comparison)... -psl]

Forwarded-by: lanih@info.SIMS.Berkeley.EDU (Lani Herrmann)
Forwarded-by: arminius@nature.berkeley.edu
Forwarded-by: spike@interpac.net

Why e-mail is like a Penis

Some folks have it, some don't.  Those who have it would be devastated if
it were ever cut off.  They think that those who don't have it are somehow
inferior.  They think it gives them power.  They are wrong.  Those who
don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the
fuss made over it by those who do have it.  Still, many of those who don't
have it would like to try it.

It can be up or down.  It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to
get any real work done.

In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
considered vital to the survival of the species.  Some people still think
that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it
for fun most of the time.

Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop.  Some people would
just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

It provides a way to interact with other people.  Some people take this
interaction very seriously; others treat it as a lark.  Sometimes it's hard
to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.

If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
viruses.

It has no brain of its own.  Instead, it uses yours.  If you use it too
much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

We attach an importance to it that is far greater than what its actual size
and influence warrant.

If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

It has its own agenda.  Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will
warp you behavior.  Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

It has no conscience and no memory.  Left to its own devices, it will do
the same damn dumb things it did before.

© 1995 Peter Langston