Fun_People Archive
20 Jul
jazz quotes/quips

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 20 Jul 100 23:10:06 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: jazz quotes/quips
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   Jazz quotes from the collection of Al Kooper:

   Thelonious Monk hired a bass player for a Tues-Sun. gig in a club in
   Washington D.C., and told him there would be a rehearsal at the club
   before the first gig, starting at 4 p.m. The bass player showed up at
   4 -- no Monk, no band, club's closed. He waited for an hour, and
   someone came and opened up the club. He waited until 7, still no Monk,
   no band. Gig starts at 9. Monk rolls in at 8:45, the bass player says,
   "I thought there was supposed to be a rehearsal today!" Monk says "Oh,
   yeah, man . . . that rehearsal was for YOU."

   The gig starts and the bass player's doing OK with most of the tunes,
   but a couple are kicking his ass. Goes home, practices the ones with
   which he's having trouble, comes back Wednesday night, does better.

   Goes home, practices them again, OK on Thursday except for one tune --
   can't seem to hear it. Spends Friday and Saturday working on that
   tune, finally the last night of the gig he feels like he can play it.

   After the gig, he says the usual things to Monk, then adds, "Oh, by
   the way, that one tune -- it's REALLY hard. Took me all week to get it
   together."

   Monk's answer: "S---. You played it better when you didn't know it."

   **

   Lester Young was playing with a drummer one night that he really
   didn't like. The drummer kept on trying be friendly all night. He
   finally trapped Lester at the bar after the gig was over, saying, "I
   sure had a good time tonight, Pres. I've been thinking, when was the
   last time we worked together?"

   Lester's answer: "Tonight!"

   **

   When Bill Evans was booked at Ronnie Scott's they decided they really
   ought to get a decent piano. They sold the old one and set out to hire
   one from Steinway. It turned out they didn't have a grand piano in
   stock but the German lady in charge tried to convince Ronnie that a
   small upright would be ideal because "Mr. Evans could see the boys
   over the top."

   **

   When the Condon band was touring Britain, they naturally enjoyed the
   hospitality provided by local musicians. During one such party, Eddie
   Condon spotted Bob Wilber listening avidly to a record and talking
   enthusiastically about it to his British friends. "Hey Wilber," he
   shouted. "Quit making like a jazz fan!"

   **

   A reporter asked Zoot Sims what it had been like touring Russia with
   the Benny Goodman band. Zoot replied, "Every gig with Benny is like
   playing in Russia."

   It was also during that tour that the notoriously mean Goodman was
   persuaded, against his better judgment, to give some small change to a
   starving child. This incident was filmed by Victor Feldman, who
   provided a great deal of amusement subsequently by running the film
   backwards so that it appeared that Benny was taking the money from the
   kid.

   **

   Somebody wished Ruby Braff a happy New Year. He turned on them,
   saying, "Don't you tell me what sort of a New Year to have!"

   **

   "I don't think you're gonna like the drummer."

   "Oh really, how come?"

   "He's busy man . . . real busy."

   "How busy?"

   "Busier than a cat tryin' to cover s--- up on a marble floor!"

   -- Sweets Edison

   **

   Anonymous quip:

   "How late does the band play?"

   "About half a beat behind the drummer."

   **

   Erroll Garner was occasionally teased because he couldn't read music.
   "Hell, man," he once snapped back, "nobody can hear you read."

   **

   Herbie Hancock was backstage at a concert when he was with Miles
   Davis. The promoter had put out a large spread of food. Herbie went up
   to Miles and said "Miles! Check out all this food they have."

   Miles said, "I didn't come here to eat."

   **

   Someone once asked Eubie Blake (when he was 97 years old), "How old do
   you have to be before your sex drive goes?"

   Eubie said: "You'll have to ask someone older than me."

© 2000 Peter Langston