Bill and Leo's Excellent Encounter
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 24 Apr 100 12:58:55 -0700
Subject: Bill and Leo's Excellent Encounter
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[ Fun_People ]=-
From: The New York Times, Sunday, April 9, 2000
Bill and Leo's Excellent Encounter
By; John B. Kenney
WASHINGTON, March 31 - The actor Leonardo DiCaprio, the star
of "Titanic," assumed a new role today, interviewing President
Clinton about global warming for ABC News.
- The New York Times
[Leonardo DlCaprio] So dude. This place is awesome.
[President Clinton] Thank you, Leo.
[L.D.] It's almost as big as my place in Malibu.
[B.C.] I enjoyed "Titanic." The ending made me sad.
[L.D.] Don't get me started. I told James Cameron, I said: "Cameron, man,
listen to me. Everyone should think I've drowned, froze, whatever. Only,
right at the end, I burst through the surface of the water, all blue, because
I've been holding my breath."
[B C.] Well that sure is neat. What'd he say?
[L.D.] He said it was stupid. My guru says just let it go. Inner harmony,
that's my thing now. You hungry?
[B.C.] Sure. We can get food here any time. What would you like?
[L.D.] They've got me on this new diet. No dairy, no meat, no carbonation.
Apparently my chakras are blocked.
[B.C.] I had that once. From heavy cream. Hey Bobby? Rustle up some grub,
would ya' son? A fruit plate for the King of the World here and I'll have a
couple of cheeseburgers and a pecan pie.
[L.D.] Dude. Is the world getting warmer or what?
[B.C.] Well, Leo, that's a question of great concern to my administration.
In 1992, when I took office, I made a pledge to the American people to place
a ban on so-called CFC's, chloroflourocarbons. In that time, due to the work
of a bipartisan commission --
[L.D.] You know who's cool is that John McCann.
[L.D.] I guess. The Germans, they like tortured the guy for 20 years or something.
[B.C.] I hadn't heard that.
[L.D.] I'm taking Tai Chi.
[B.C.] That's nice.
[L.D.] It's not just for old Chinese ladies, ya' know.
[B.C.] Is that so?
[L.D.] I swear this room is round, not oval.
[B.C.] Hey! The food's here!
(L ong pause)
[L.D.] Okay, so last summer, right? I'm out in L A in, like, August and
it's, I don't know, like 95 degrees. I'm sitting by the pool, just, like,
reading this book on breathing and I just couldn't believe how hot it was.
And I got to thinking, "Is this what they mean by global warming? Or is thls
just the summer?"
[B.C.] Leo, you bring up an important point. Global warming is something
that concerns many Americans, indeed, many people all over the world. When I
was at Oxford, I read Rachel Carson's 1962 best-seller "Silent Spring" and
it moved me very deeply. Then, in 1989 I read Bill McKibben's "The End of
Nature." It warned of a rise in global temperatures of three to nine degrees
over the coming decades, a rise in sea levels to dangerous heights, heat
waves the likes of which mankind has never experlenced. Pie?
[B.C.] Cool Whip? It's non-dairy.
[L.D.] D'you ever watch "Blind Date?"
[B.C.] I love that show. And "MTV Spring Break 2000."
[L.D.] Dude, what is up with the ozone? There's a club In New York,
Oh-Zone, in the meat-packing district, but that's completely different,
right? The thing they're talking about, that's a place in, like, space.
[B.C.] That's right, Leo. The ozone is a thin, membranous layer that
protects the earth from harmful - and potentially deadly - ultraviolet
radiation. Without the ozone layer, life on Earth simply couldn't exist.
[B.C.] And that's why, in 1996, I urged the G-7 nations to act with the
United States to implement a first-of-its-kind treaty to reduce ozone
emissions in the major industrialized nations by the year 2002.
[L.D.] Is this the same office that John Kennedy was in?
[L.D.] He was cool.
[B.C.] Why, yes, he was. I met him.
[L.D.] No way. That was, like, a hundred years ago.
[B.C.] It sure seems like it, but it was 1961.
[L.D.] That's messed up. Was there global warming then?
[B.C.] Certainly the beginnings of it, yes. And that's why my administration--
[L.D.] Here's the thing I don't understand. No one really likes the winter,
right? I mean, people love getting away. And, like, home heating oil is,
I've heard, expensive. So why is global warming a bad thing if it's keeping
us all warm?
[B.C.] You bring up an excellent question. I believe that the--
[L.D.] So how much longer you going to be president?
[B.C.] A little less than a year.
[L.D.] So how come you're leaving?
[B.C.] Well, a president can only serve for two four-year terms.
[L.D.] Dude, that's lame.
[L.D.] Well, listen. This has been great, but I'm meeting some people in
France. The Riviera. Just chill for a few days in the sun. Global warming,
man. That's where it's at.
© 2000 Peter Langston