The Comedian's-eye View of 09/03/99
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 2 Sep 99 23:48:35 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's-eye View of 09/03/99
X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649 -=[Fun_People]=-
Excerpted-from: 09/03/99 -- ShopTalk
Friday September 3, 1999
"A lot of people are throwing up during 'The Blair Witch Project'
because of the shaky handheld camera. What no one has explained is
why people are throwing up during 'Runaway Bride.'"
Hurricane Dennis forced Al Gore to cut his North Carolina vacation short.
"The Secret Service was afraid he might be uprooted and topple onto a car."
President Clinton has called on Congress to pass a jobs program for the
marginally skilled. "I thought Congress was a jobs program for the
marginally skilled." (Jay Leno)
Congressional Republicans say they will move quickly to investigate how the
1993 Branch Davidian fire in Waco was handled. "Congressional Republicans
are moving quickly? Get the defibrillators ready and put the intensive care
unit on alert." (Jerry Perisho)
"If Congressional Republicans want to investigate a fiasco that went up in
smoke, have them take a look at Newt Gingrich's Contract with America."
Monica Lewinsky has been interning at Marie Claire magazine. "Really, I
figured her more for Eclair magazine." (Daily Scoop)
Geri Halliwell, who was formerly known as Ginger Spice, and the Spice Girls
will have rival books out in the fall. "Well, this blows the race for the
Pulitzer Prize wide open." (Daily Scoop)
Disney is selling the Anaheim Angels. You could tell the company had lost
faith in the club. The team's playoff highlights were being showcased in
Fantasy Land. (Alan Ray)
Legislators are calling for government inspections of theme park rides.
What's the most likely fatality associated with a Disney World attraction?
Standing in line a person could die of old age. (Ray)
Twenty-two MLB umps have been terminated. Don't expect a job action from
the remaining crews. After all, most don't really know what a strike is.
George W. Bush maintains a big lead in the GOP presidential poll. He's
never held a national office. But, he'd like to take a crack at it. (Ray)
© 1999 Peter Langston