Fun_People Archive
24 Jun
A little list of "Doc-isms"

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 24 Jun 98 15:20:07 -0700
To: Fun_People
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Subject: A little list of "Doc-isms"

X-Lib-of-Cong-ISSN: 1098-7649
Forwarded-by: Cal Herrmann <calani@netcom.com>
Forwarded-by: jemichae@othello.ucs.indiana.edu Mon Jun 22 15:57:03 1998
Forwarded-by: Ruth Aten <reaten@indiana.edu>
Forwarded-by: J'qui_Ferrante@PRIMEDIAMAGS.COM

A LITTLE LIST OF DOC-ISMS
(What doctors say, and what they're really thinking)

They SAY: This should be taken care of right away.
They're THINKING: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so
	easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

They SAY: Welllllll, what have we here...?
They're THINKING: I have no idea and am hoping you'll give me a clue.

They SAY: Let me check your medical history.
They're THINKING: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending
	any more time with you.

They SAY: Why don't we make another appointment later in the week.
They're THINKING: I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
	---or--
	I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.

They SAY: We have some good news and some bad news.
They're THINKING: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad
	news is, you're going to pay for it.

They SAY: Let's see how it develops.
They're THINKING: Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be
	cured.

They SAY: Let me schedule you for some tests.
They're THINKING: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

They SAY: I'd like to have my associate look at you.
They're THINKING: He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.

They SAY: I'd like to prescribe a new drug.
They're THINKING: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea
	pig.

They SAY: If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call.
They're THINKING: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

They SAY: That's quite a nasty looking wound.
They're THINKING: I think I'm going to throw up.

They SAY: This may smart a little.
They're THINKING: Last week two patients bit off their tongues.

They SAY: Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?
They're THINKING: I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?

They SAY: This should fix you up.
They're THINKING: The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe
	this stuff.

They SAY: Everything seems to be normal.
They're THINKING: Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.

They SAY: I'd like to run some more tests.
They're THINKING: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab
	can solve this one.

They SAY: Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?
They're THINKING: You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find
	a shrink who'll split fees with me ...

They SAY: There is a lot of that going around.
They're THINKING: My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn
	something about this.

They SAY: If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.
They're THINKING: I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm
	off next week!

© 1998 Peter Langston