Fun_People Archive
20 Feb
For all you planning to ski this season...

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 20 Feb 97 12:31:44 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: For all you planning to ski this season...

Forwarded-by: "Matthew T. Kleinosky" <mkleinosky@utsph.sph.uth.tmc.edu>

This is sent to remind skiers how to prepare for the ski season and to
remind non-skiers why they do not ski.
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10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for
    half an hour.  Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

9.  Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your
    ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.  Pretend
    you are looking for your car.

8.  For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street shoes and
    tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

7.  Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

6.  Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger.  Be sure
    to wait in the longest line.

5.  Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
    fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

4.  Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm
    and you're following an 18 wheeler.

3.  Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
    your face.  You'd almost believe you're skiing in front of a snowmaker!

2.  Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
    off because you have to go to the bathroom.

1.  Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.

© 1997 Peter Langston