Fun_People Archive
23 Oct
Why I fired My Secretary

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 23 Oct 96 11:32:32 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Why I fired My Secretary

Forwarded-by: "R. Dunbar Poor" <r@pia.media.mit.edu>
Forwarded-by: Marion Wieting/Second Nature <Marion_Wieting@2nature.org>
<previous history deleted to provoke the innocent.>


           Why I fired my secretary


Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot
that morning anyway.  I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be
pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for me.  She
didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday.  I said, well,
that's wives for you.  The children will remember.  The children came in
to breakfast and didn't say a word.  When I started to the office I was
feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss,
Happy Birthday."  And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon.

About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a
beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you
and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go."

We went to lunch.  We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the
country to a little private place.  We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch
tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful
day.  We don't need to go back to the office.  Do we?"  I said, "No, I guess
not."  She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, we had another martini and a cigarette and
she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and
slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I replied excitedly.

She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes, she came out...
... carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and children.
All were singing Happy Birthday.

  ... and there on the couch I sat...
  ... with nothing on but my socks......

© 1996 Peter Langston