Fun_People Archive
11 Apr
What I learned in college

Date: Thu, 11 Apr 96 18:00:41 -0700
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: What I learned in college

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: "John P. Kole" <kole@convex.convex.com>
Forwarded-by: cowles@hydra.convex.co
From: "Ba, Ba, BLACKSHEEP" <rcowles@unm.edu>

ON METAPHYSICS
	Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked
	in the head like this before.

ON DEEP THOUGHTS
	A day without sunshine is like night.

ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
	There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane".  If
	you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take
	it back and demand a refund?

ON HIGHER EDUCATION
	College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there
	to drink.

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
	A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON YOUTH
	Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not
	true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
		-- Steven King, 3/8/90

ON PROBLEM SOLVING
	When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
	resemble a nail.
		-- Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISM
	He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
	Photons have mass?  I didn't know they were Catholic!

ON INFINITY
	If you had everything, where would you keep it?

ON ECONOMICS
	The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
	I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because
	someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at
	the top.
		-- English Professor, Ohio University

ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
	What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

ON DATING
	When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the
	occasional division by zero.

ON POETIC LOVE
	When you're swimmin' in the creek
	And an eel bites your cheek
	That's a moray!
		-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

ON MODERNISM
	Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
	A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
	   with brightly colored machine tools.

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
	Character density:  The number of very weird people in the office.

ON EXTINCTION
	Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.

ON LITERATURE
	This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be
	thrown with great force.
		-- Dorothy Parker

ON HUMILITY
	To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
	... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire
	was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful
	termination of their C programs.
		-- Robert Firth

ON PROPHECY
	The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.

ON EXCUSES
	I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.  -- Joe Walsh

ON NUMBERS
	Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large
	values of 2.

ON WORLD POLITICS
	Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find
	a rock.

AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
	There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and
	BSD (Unix).  We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

© 1996 Peter Langston