Excerpt from Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot
Date: Tue, 13 Feb 96 18:03:24 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Subject: Excerpt from Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot
Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forwarded-by: Lisa Ratmansky
Forwarded-by: Jonathan Ostrowsky
RUSH LIMBAUGH IS A BIG FAT IDIOT & Other Observations, by Al Franken.
Besides being true, this book is really, LOL funny.
Look for Al Franken's side-splitting new book, "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat
Idiot--and Other Observations" in the non-fiction section of your local
bookstore. Franken's book veers wildly from topic to topic, alternating
between dry irony and heavy-handed sarcasm with often hilarious results.
Here's an excerpt: the actual transcript of a call Franken's assistant,
Geoff, made to Rush Limbaugh's underworked fact-checker, Waylon:
GEOFF: Hi, Waylon! Haven't heard from you in a while.
WAYLON: Yeah, sorry about that. I've been having a lot of trouble
checking my voice mail. I keep forgetting my access code.
GEOFF: Have you tried using your birthday?
WAYLON: You can't really do that on this system. It only takes numbers.
GEOFF: All-righty then...why don't I put Mr. Franken on.
AL FRANKEN: Hi, Waylon! Megadittoes!
AL: Never mind. Listen Waylon, we're preparing our annual report on the
environment here at Empower USA, and we just wanted to run a couple of
Rush's comments by you before we publish them as incontrovertible fact.
WAYLON: I'm your man.
AL: Okay, let's jump right in. First of all, back in 1991, Rush claimed
that Styrofoam was biodegradable and paper wasn't.
WAYLON: Right. I remember that. That is...uh...that's totally wrong.
WAYLON: Yeah, we caught a lot of flak for that one.
AL: Okay. How about this one? In his book, "See, I Told You So," Rush
writes: "There are more acres of forestland in America today than when
Columbus discovered the continent in 1492."
WAYLON: Wait. Is that Chapter Fourteen?
WAYLON: Yeah. Here's the thing. I didn't do Chapter Fourteen. We had
a temp in that week, so I just farmed it out.
WAYLON: Yeah, good kid. Didn't have a whole lot on the ball, though.
Just out of curiosity, are there more acres of forestland now than in
AL: No. Turns out Rush was off by about a quarter of a billion acres.
WAYLON: Wow! Don't tell the Sierra Club.
AL: Don't worry. Let me ask you a little something about global
WAYLON: Doesn't exist.
AL: Fair enough. But in 1992 Rush said it wouldn't be a big deal if it
did exist because "Even if the polar ice caps melted, there would be no
rise in ocean levels...After all, if you have a glass of water with ice
cubes in it, as the ice melts, it simply turns to liquid and the water
level in the glass remains the same."
WAYLON: Well, that's just common sense.
AL: Except that most of the world's ice is on land.
WAYLON: Hold it. You lost me there.
AL: Antarctica. It's a continent, not an ice cube.
WAYLON: Your point?
AL: If the ice cap melted, sea level around the world would rise about
two hundred feet.
WAYLON: Holy cow! We'd all drown!
AL: Calm down, Waylon.
WAYLON: Calm down?! I've got a basement apartment!
(Franken's book is now available at your better bookstores. [It is] From
© 1996 Peter Langston