Fun_People Archive
1 Jul
Alert -- Just Whose Hands Is Your Government In?

Date: Sat,  1 Jul 95 11:55:01 PDT
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Alert -- Just Whose Hands Is Your Government In?

Forwarded-by: Bob Stein <squeeze@omni.voicenet.com>
Forwarded-by: http://WWW.Misty.com/laughweb/ (Laugh Web)

	HOT FLASH!

>>> House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced at a press conferencetoday that
 up to 25% of President Clinton's cabinet and staff appointees have
 masturbated at some time during their public service careers.  When pressed
 for his sources, Gingrich cited unnamed undercover operatives hired by the
 Republican National Committee.  He also acknowledged the use of
 surveillance equipment placed in White House washrooms at the request of
 a special House oversight committee.

Rep. Gingrich said that subpoenas were being prepared for the accused
 Democrats, and he also called for a joint FBI/NEA investigation to
 identify the persons who taught them how to masturbate, and to determine
 whether federal funds were involved.

The White House press office responded in a prepared statement.  In it
 the President dismissed the allegations of Rep. Gingrich: "Our staff
 members must pass very stiff credential checks.  If I became aware of
 moral depravity in any of these individuals, I would personally see to
 it that they were yanked."  The President was also quoted as saying "I
 tried masturbation once during my youth, but I did not climax."

© 1995 Peter Langston